Friday, May 12, 2006

History of Dance

Quality... give it a few minutes to get to the newer stuff...

Jack Bauer is my Hero

I really want to party with Jack Bauer now...

Saturday, May 06, 2006

9/11 Documentary

I may not neccessarily agree with it, but the attached is interesting to watch. It runs almost an hour and half, so set some time aside.

9/11 Conspiracy Documentary

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Fattest Man Alive

This may very well be the Fattest Man Alive! How do you let yourself get so huge? Another question I had after reading the article was who is feeding this guy? His wife left him ten years ago and he is bedridden, so where the hell is he getting his food from? I am also very disturbed by what appears to be his giant ballsack protruding from his "pants." What the hell is that thing? I thought this picture was disgusting and needed to be posted for posterity purposes. I would appreciate predictions of people who you think may suffer a similar fate. I for one, vote for "Pimping ain't Easy" Dominick based on his explosive growth over his last year of college.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

The Todd

This is The Todd from Maryland. How awesome is he? If provoked, he will dance upside down on stripper poles.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Help a brother out....

I got this link from a coworker today. I must say, this man is a genius and now that his site has hit corporate America, 2,000,000 hits is well within reach.

10 Greatest Sports Movies I Have Ever Seen

I've decided to put together a list of the 10 greatest sports films I have ever seen (which you likely figured out by the title). It is important to note the "I have ever seen", as there are certain movies omitted that will likely irk some people (Caddyshack, Slap Shot, Field of Dreams, etc), but I haven't seen them so they can't be on the list. That's life, live with it.

There are two rules to lay out as the groundwork:

1) No two films from the same series will be included. Therefore, no Major League III: Back to Spring Training, as tempting as it is.
2) The 1988 Cincinatti Bengals NFL Yearbook is the obvious number one, but I have taken it out for fairness.

Without further ado:

Honorable Mention: Days of Thunder, Vision Quest, Rudy, Hoop Dreams, Above the Rim, Bloodsport.

The fact that Tupac is in one of these movies is outstanding, and I'd like to take a moment to recognize him as one of the underappreciated actors of the mid 90s. With a body of work including "Above the Rim", "Poetic Justice (w/ Janet Jackson)" & "Juice", you were taken away from us too soon Tupac. Poor out a little liquor for him.

On to the top 10...

10) Tin Cup

This is probably the cheesiest movie on this list, but I still find myself drawn to it every time it is on HBO / TNT / USA / TBS / WGN. Blowing the tournament to carry the water is amongst the all-time great moments in film, as well as one of the most painful. Add in a great roles by Don Johnson & Cheech Marin. This movie always gets me geared up for the U.S. Open.

9) Point Break

"100% Pure Adreneline" is the movie's tagline. Young Keanu. A peaking Swayze. Gary Busey. It may not be considered a sports movie, but very entertaining. The main character is named Johnny Utah (I must remember this to use one weekend)! Consider these quotes:

Pappas: "...last time you had a feeling I had to kill a guy, and I hate that... It looks bad on my report."

Pappas: "I'm so hungry I could eat the ass end out of a dead rhino."

Johnny Utah: [to Bodhi] "You crossed the line. People trusted you and they died. You gotta' go down." (Must imagine serious Keanu face when reading this)

8) The Program

Growing up, I think this is the movie I would have most liked to see a sequel to. Think about how much was left hanging. How do the Wolves rebuild w/o Joe Kane? Does Darnell Jefferson emerge in his 2nd season? Incredible potential... the college football concept should really be a series on HBO (see ESPN's "Playmakers" for why you need HBO for this). I can't imagine better television. My favorite scenes are Kane's father hanging the beer can on the Christmas tree, and Jefferson arriving on campus (unlike his recruiting visit) to no band, no cheerleaders, no Halle Berry, just Kane and Kubiak.

7) Over the Top

Sylvester Stallone's first appearance on this list (hint), is very underappreciated. The fact that the grand prize for the arm wrestling world champions happens to be a big rig, and Lincoln Hawk (Stallone) happens to be a truck driver in need of a new truck... this is the creativity that Hollywood lacks today. Has any movie inspired more people to turn their hats around? Is this what started the backward hat craze? Also, a man also swallows a lit cigar at one point. I want to arm wrestle right now!

6) The Sandlot

I have seen this movie close to 50 times, and I still enjoy it. What kid is truly dumb enough to have no idea who Babe Ruth is? I mean, seriously, who doesn't know Babe Ruth? I also love that the fat catcher has appeared in "Boston Legal" and "Over There" in the last year. Most notably, being a dorky fat kid with big glass, Squints move on Wendy at the pool will always make me realize there's hope for all of us.

5) Rounders

I first saw "Rounders" my freshman year of college, before the big poker craze hit. Do you realize that Edward Norton successively made "Rounders", "American History X", and "Fight Club" in a one year span? Talk about a great run as an actor. This movie has more quotes than I could possibly get into here, and the fact that Mike McD never gets back with his g/f makes it seems plausible.

4) Major League

I was lucky enough to catch the unedited version on HBO the other day, after about 10 years of catching showings on TNT / USA... I'd forgotten just how funny this movie really is. I also realized President Palmer plays Pedro Cerrano, which I didn't even realize. My favorite part of this movie has to be when Vaughn (Charlie Sheen) goes out to a fancy restaurant with Jake Taylor (Tom Berringer). Vaughn wears cutoff sleeves and a necktie, and delivers The banker" line... still gets me.

Did you know, Charlie Sheen can throw a fastball in the high 80s?

3) Pumping Iron

A documentary in the late 70s featuring Arnold Schwarzenegger (who gets high on screen wearing this awesome shirt reading "Arnold is Numero Uno"), this is a cult classic. The film is so homo-erotic it can be uncomfortable, but Arnold is pricessless in the way he mercilessly psyches out his competion for Mr. Universe. Look at these quotes:

"Franco is pretty smart, but Franco's a child, and when it comes to the day of the contest, I am his father. He comes to me for advices. So it's not that hard for me to give him the wrong advices."

"I don't have any weak points. I had weak points three years ago, but my main thing in mind is, my goal always was, to even out everything to the point... that everything is perfect. Which means if I want to increase one muscle a half inch, the rest of the body has to increase. I would never make one muscle increase or decrease, because everything fits together now, and all I have to do is get my posing routine down more perfect, which is almost impossible to do, you know. It's perfect already."

"Milk are for babies, when you get older you drink beer."

The best line I could not find, but involves Arnold taking a man into the shower, oiling him up, and asking him to pose for him...

You must see this movie!

2) Rocky Series

So much for rule #1. I couldn't single out just one of the films, and Rocky V is the only reason this is not number 1. Consider the actual scripts of Rocky I & II, the very strange beach Rocky & Appolo hugging scene & performance by Mr T. in Rocky III, and the series of training montages in Rocky Iv... I don't think any series has ever covered all the bases like the Rocky series. It is realy a shame they feel a sixth edition should be released, and I fear it will finish what Rocky V started in destroying the credibility of a great movie franchise.

1) The Karate Kid

At first glance, this looks like a complete rip off of Rocky featuring karate and a young kid from Jersey. What you are missing is the two things that make this movie great: An old Asian wise man (who at one point gets completely tanked), and the greatest villian in movie history, The Cobra Kai! I think that the Cobra Kai is the greatest group Halloween costume ever (and have never actually seen it).

Imagine walking into a bar in your gai, your hands placed on the shoulders of your commrade infront of you, screaming "Cobra Kai! Cobra Kai! Cobra Kai!" as loud as possible, with the guy who was too cool to dress up holding the boom box blaring "You're the Best". It commands respect. I just had shivers run through my entire body...

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Shock and Awe 2004: San Diego Remembered

I came across this old email describing the debauchery of this event and thought I'd post it up here for posterity, and to start building momentum for Shock and Awe 2006. I think the Modern Drunkard Convention in Las Vegas June 23rd would be the perfect forum for us to completely debase ourselves. More on that to come, in the meantime here it is S&A 2004 remembered:

Well shock and awe has passed and it was one of those rare summer blockbusters that exceed the hype. Franklin was the run away winner of the most valuable drunk, this despite getting off to a slow start on Friday night. Franklin began the weekend by being drunk into early oblivion by my sister and her sake bombs. However things began to turn around for Bill early Saturday morning and culminated in one of the
most shocking and awing single day performances ever. Here is his story...

Bill Franklin, scholar, gentleman, closet pirate, unstoppable lush, a man on the brink. Friday night is barely worth mentioning as Bill flared out early as he and my sister performed a series of sake bomb
shots that assured mutual destruction and resulted in early bed times for both. Saturday is another story. Everyone revived again by 9 AM despite partying well past 6 (most people that is). As everyone began the chore of developing personalities again a conversation began that ultimately sparked the rally that led to Bill's MVD award.

Friday night was the formal award party so everyone was still in the dress attire on Saturday Morning. Bill was bet that he would not walk into the ocean wearing his suit (dress suit not swimming suit). At first Bill wanted money, but suddenly he decided that his pride was on the line and he set off. Walking directly out the front door straight to the beach and out into the raging surf as we and several stunned surfers watched. Bill then walked directly back to the party and changed into his pirate outfit. As Saturday wore on it became clear that Bill was both drunker and rowdier than anyone else at the party. Rounds of the "Hey" song became frequent and were accompanied by frenetic pounding of the beer pong table by Bill. Obviously everything on the beer pong table became upended and fell to the floor during these sessions. This greatly contributed to the consumption of 600 cups by 18 people over a 36 hour period. By the end of the night people began to visibly flinch whenever Bill started to approach them. I was personally assaulted almost continuously for an hour by Bill because I left my "I got laid..." shirt in State College. These actions continued all night ending in his being the first ever recipient of the Shock and Awe 2004 Most Valuable Drunk award.

Other award winners were:
• John Robert Fisher III - Beer Pong* 7 wins
• Andra - Beer Pong 6 wins
• Jenny P. - Last Man Standing 7 AM Sunday morning

Many other interesting events also transpired but I cannot concentrate any longer right now to record them. Pictures will be emailed around soon. Dan Boynton and I did enjoy a totally nude embrace at some undetermined time on Saturday, I think right around noon but I can't say for sure. Several playing through events occurred. Two snails were rendered intoxicated. Crotch-Diggeties were drunk, shots were taken, and everyone had a thoroughly good time. Dan woke up on Sunday and had a girlfriend. Fish spooned a couch all night. Someone utterly destroyed one of the toilets in the house as badly as any toilet destruction I have ever seen at Pika. After peeing in it I had to puke into the bathroom sink because it was just so wretched. More updates to come on the weekend as they are remembered.


*We ran out of beer Saturday night while I was personally in the midst of a run causing me to fall two wins shy of tying John.

Liquor pong was attempted but several rule violations occurred that nullified the validity of any further games played by myself.

Monday, April 24, 2006

Name our Blog

We are looking for a new name and it could be yours! Hit us up with any and all funny suggestions.

Here are the suggestions so far:
  1. Fantasy, Feet, & Balls
  2. Frank Stallone's Italian Armada

Thanks Jenna and
Dr. Kenneth Noisewater for the contributions

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